Watching out my window on a Winter's Day

It's January.  Some snow, some thaw, some sun, but mostly grey....almost as grey as February.  But, I continue to tell myself that my feelings should not be dictated by the fickle weather.  Sometimes it works...other days, I settle in to enjoy the "cloud" that surrounds me.  I review, I analyze, I pray, I cry, I think, I read, I journal.  You see, many people consider me an extrovert because I can be outgoing and personable...but the truth is, the real me is an introvert.  My batteries get charged when I sit by myself in the quiet...where God says "be still".

In the stillness comes peace
In the stillness comes clarity
In the stillness comes forgiveness
In the stillness comes grace
In the stillness comes a warm embrace from the Savior....my Joy-giver, no matter what January looks like.

The Mountain Between Us by Charles Martin

A pretty intense story of survival in the midst of almost certain death, and also a release of the past.  Ben, a doctor, and Ashley, a writer, are thrown together in the middle of a terrible blizzard while trying to get home from Salt Lake City.  This book is their story of defeating the odds after their small plane crashes into the wilderness at 11,000 feet in sub-zero temperatures.  That part is pretty amazing, but the story that resonated with me, was Ben's love story ---as he diligently spoke to his wife via a small recorder that he had brought with him.  He reminds Rachel of how they met and of what he has loved about her and their life, the ups and downs.  It seemed to me that his recording of those memories are what helped Ben to focus and remain hopeful over the weeks of pain and impossibilities.  The relationship of trust that developed between Ben and Ashley, and the twist ending ...make a really good read.  I checked out Charles Martin's blog and may put some of his other books on my list.....he says that his favorite author is King David.  Gotta love a guy like that!

Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate

Love this type of novel--based on a true historical event, with fictional characters playing out the story line.  The true part was the terrible child "stealing" by Georgia Tann of the Tennessee Children's Home Society in the 1930's and 40's.  Literally this woman entered hospitals and had parents sign off their children, unbeknownst to them.  Sometimes babies were born and parents were told they died, so Georgia Tann could sell the babies to rich families while making piles of money.  So many political figures, as well as doctors and police officers, actually covered up the facts, while getting paid by her.  Some supported her ideas--that these low class families could not afford their kids, and the kids would be better off raised in higher class society.  She convinced so many people, that she never was convicted of her crimes--her case was closed!

The story is told by "Rill" starting in 1939, with the "stealing" of herself and her four siblings.  Present day Avery is the "sleuth" trying to find the secrets in her grandmother's past.  Of course, Avery is changed along the way as "truth" wins out and she discovers that her traditional, political family (who are obsessed with appearances, photo ops and no surprises) are not what she would like to become.

Avery spends a lot of time with Rill, now in her nineties, to piece together the past.  Because my parents are now 94, some of the conversations really hit home.  I loved this by Rill:  "Each scene of Life has its own music and music is created for the scene....we must dance within the music of today or we will always be out of step, stumbling around in something that doesn't suit the moment....To look at me now, you would think I'd never understood that secret  This music of old age..it isn't made for dancing.  It's so...lonely.  You're a burden to everyone."  This from Avery:  "I think of my grandmother, of her empty house, of her room in the nursing home, of her inability to recognize me most days.  Tears well up in my eyes.  The music of old age is difficult to hear when it's playing for someone you love."  How very true, in the midst of loving my parents in this life scene, the music of old age brings a bittersweet sadness.

Falling Upward by Richard Rohr

I wish I were more of an academic at times.  Perhaps I would have a better understanding of all that this author was conveying...but I did catch some wonderful glimpses!  In his seventies, Richard Rohr, writes of the differences between our First Half of Life and our Second Half of Life.  We are driven and goal oriented in our first half, working hard and believing that structure and authority are of great value to advance ourselves in the world.  This author speaks from the other side, from the Second Half of Life.  This is the side where we leave behind that intense desire to achieve, and to be approved by others.  We finally realize who God has made us to be, and we "settle in" and enjoy the journey more.  What I so fervently believed in my past Baptistic tradition, has now melded into an acceptance of the differences in theology and practices of other denominations.  What I passionately pursued in my First Half of Life political views (what seemed so black and white), has now blended--each party seems to have some of what I believe sometimes---and none of what I believe at other times.  Amazingly, God has given peace in all the changes and transitions.  I am on a learning trajectory that allows me to "no longer need to divide the field of every moment between up and down, totally right or totally wrong, with me or against me" thinking.  God has given a calmness in appreciating differences, histories, the stories of others...I do not always need to be in groups that are the same as me, or think the way I do.  Yes, that's generally more comfortable-- but in leaning into Jesus more (Falling Upward), He gives the ability in the Second Half of Life, to accept people and situations, to give grace, to love more broadly, to surrender my "right" to be right.  Perhaps this new way of thinking is ...maturity?  or wisdom?  Whatever it is, I am ok with it.