Musings on my Backyard Birds

Ahhh...wonderful summer!  Birds trilling, chirping, and heckling one another before the crack of dawn.  As I sat on my deck one morning, I was flummoxed to see both a robin and a mourning dove frolicking together near my backyard ornamental pear tree.  Up, away, back...reminding me of a roller coaster ride as they chattered back and forth.  Then I noticed that they seemed to be attending to a nest....both of them at the same one!  Of course, this made me google the likelihood of this..and YES, it does happen!  I learned that they actually assist in both the "sitting" and the "feeding" of those babies!  I was once again struck about how God's creatures can educate us in how to work alongside  other people ... humans are alike in so many ways, yet somehow we have elevated our differences rather than concentrating on the similarities.  That robin and mourning dove learned how to cooperate in order to achieve a great goal..getting those babies grown-up.  How amazing would it be to be more concerned about the goals of unity, of racial reconciliation, of compromising on gun control and education initiatives instead of standing in the corners of the boxing ring glaring at one another? Lessons from nature about what God wants us to look like.

Ageless Soul by Thomas Moore

This book came across my Facebook feed a few years ago, and the "trailer" seemed so relevant to this season of life that we discussed adding it to our book club list, as it would pertain to the women of that "certain age"...of which most of us are!  So happy that never happened!! I did make it through to the end, but Moore wanders, heading down some rabbit trails and not coming to conclusions; which may be the nature of therapists OR the nature of authors of a "certain age"!!  I was hoping for some inspiration in the art of growing older and the one thing that I took away was in giving grace to older people...and I am in total agreement!  Observing my dad in his assisted care facility gave me a head start on this...it's not easy to move fast, nor talk fast, nor dress fast, nor eat fast.  Minds wander and sometimes don't get back on track, responsibilities don't get accomplished in one day.  Ageless Soul is a reminder of what is to come...I will continue to pray that grace will abound, both to my friends and to myself.

Home by Marilynne Robinson

Marilynne Robinson is a new author to me.  After doing a bit of research on the Soul of America, I found out that Jon Meacham's wife, an educator, highly applauds Robinson as one of her favorite authors.  My book club friends agreed so I picked this book up.  "Home" describes the feelings and memories of two of the adult children of Rev. Boughton, who is aging and in need of care.  Just as it is in our families, the memories of siblings don't always jibe; but Glory is making an effort to love the prodigal Jack...she desperately wants to understand what made him leave the nest and never look back.
This book is intense, making me go slowly and linger over pages that were sometimes hard to understand.  Because I do enjoy the analyzing of human nature and family dynamics, I am giving this a thumbs up; but will hold my full approval of the author until I finish "Gilead", her pulitzer prize winner.  For sure, Robinson has a totally different style than that of Sarah Addison Allen: even though they both delve into the workings of family, Robinson is a bit deeper and darker.

First Frost by Sarah Addison Allen

  I have to admit, after reading my first book by this author a few months ago (Garden Spells), I was delighted to pick up this sequel to discover how the Waverley women were faring.  Light, warm-hearted, and whimsical, she is the perfect summer go-to author for me.  First Frost picks up about 8 years later so we can find out what gifts have been passed on to Claire and Sydney's daughters.  Yes, the apple tree is still temperamental...yes, the house still keeps its front door "stuck" to strangers; but the community seems to be more welcoming and accepting of the Waverley gals as they forge ahead, making mistakes and wrangling with the same issues as the rest of the town. This author leaves a smile on my face.

Dad and I: Thoughts from February 2019

In the autumn of my life, my father died quietly and without a lot of fanfare...which is exactly how he chose to live his 95 years.  But the story of how he impacted myself and my siblings started back in the spring of my life.

In 1951, three months after I was born, my parents found "Shorty's Little Acre" four miles outside of Otsego....which would be my "home" for over fifty years. No matter how far I strayed in the ensuing years, my family always found their way "home" to MI...for Christmases, for summer vacations, for special events.  The roots Dad planted in that place were gifts of stability and security to us five siblings.   Sometimes he and I struggled.  As a youngster, I didn't understand or appreciate Dad's gift of teaching and perfection.  My older sister was gifted in those same ways, so she was happy to learn the right way to paint, the right way to bowl, the right way to swing a bat, the right way to garden....but me?  Not so much.  In some ways I resented his expectations:  did it really matter if there were paint streaks? did it really matter if I hit the gutters more than the pins?  To this day, I dislike painting and bowling, probably because I never received his approval in those activities.  But in other more important ways, he was teaching me... the value of hard work, the value of saving, the value of family, the value of spending wisely, the value of laughter, the value of independence and letting go when it was time.  Though my parents never once discouraged me, I knew that my finding a Bible College to attend in South Carolina was never on their radar; yet, they cut the strings and let me fly.  Perhaps in my deepest heart of hearts, I was a dreamer and maybe Dad realized that his middle child was going to blaze her own trail, far from his nest of comfortability.

He released me.

In the summer of my life, our lives were centered in PA with ministry, kids' activities and making ends meet.  We didn't get home enough - but Dad faithfully chauffeured  Mom through the mountains of Pennsylvania to show his support to our kids as they participated in spring and fall sports.  He was still teaching me...the value of sacrifice, the value of selflessness, the value of family.  During this time I recalled my 11 year old birthday self, not excited about the gift I received of a painting for my bedroom wall (especially when I really thought I might get a bike).  I was close to tears when Dad came through the back door and handed me a Meijer bag.  In those days, there was only one Meijer store in Kalamazoo, and I never knew he ever went there.  So surprised, I opened it to find a brand new parka...a parka that he had picked out, a parka that I loved, a parka that salvaged my disappointing birthday.  That was the only time he ever picked out a birthday gift for me, but I will never forget that memory.  He taught me... the value of making my kids' birthdays special.  After 13 years in PA, we found ourselves back in Otsego...back from our wandering, back from some hurts and disappointments in our ministry life, back for some healing.  Opening their home to us for several months, my parents loved on us with a quiet diligence so we could re-group.  Dad taught me.... the value of giving, the value of family.

He supported me.

In the autumn of my life as we settled back in MI, there began a slow reversal of roles.  After the devastation of two daughters' deaths, Dad's health took a huge toll.  This strong man crumbled on the inside, which in turn affected him physically.  At one point we sibs were taking turns staying with them as Dad found he could not walk anymore and was virtually crawling to the bathroom.  After finding the right meds to help him, he graduated to a walker, but life was changing.  We began driving them to their appointments, filling their pill boxes, writing their checks.  Even though he had more health issues than Mom, she was always his primary concern.  His looks of love and concern over her are still in my memory bank, along with his mischievous grin when she was irritated with him!  He taught me.. the value of loving your spouse well.  We first found them a retirement apartment where they lived happily for 8 years, but then an assisted living center was necessary.  Through it all Dad was teaching me... the value of acceptance, the value of adaptability.  I thought about all the events in his life: the death of his father which caused him to quit school at 11 years old, the closing of the company where he had worked for over 30 years, the loss of his daughters..... did he ever dream that he could have done better?  Did he ever think life was unfair?  I never saw that.  I simply saw a quiet, determined man who took what life gave him and figured out the next step.  In those 3 years of assisted care, he continued to teach me....the value of kindness, the value of patience, the value of being interested in others, the value of treating the staff with respect.

I supported him.

On February 21, 2019 as I sat by Dad's bedside, I was given a special gift.  He had been unresponsive for a few days, but after singing and sharing my heart with him in those early hours;  he awoke and locked his beautiful blue eyes with mine.  He let me ramble on a bit through my tears, and in empathy one lone tear rolled down his cheek as he mouthed the words "love you".  A few short breaths later, he was gone.  As I have pondered over this, I recently realized something.  In 1988 as my 93 year old grandma lay in a coma, I prayed diligently that she would wake up to say goodbye to my mom --but it never happened. I was greatly disappointed with God, making me doubt how to pray effectively over the years.  Could my good-byes to Dad actually have been God's special grace in answering that 30 year old request?  I won't know that answer this side of heaven, but this I do know:  on his deathbed Dad taught me .....the value of saying I love you, the value of empathy, the value of precious goodbyes.

In the winter of his life, I released him....just as he had taught me.

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

This one was a page turner.  The story of all of us in suburbia who hide behind our well kept little houses, afraid to show our real, broken selves to others.  The Richardson family looks successful, but each member has hidden parts of themselves from the rest of the family, probably to maintain the equilibrium that has been established.  Each of the four teenagers finds an openness in Mia, the wandering artist, that draws them in.  They feel loved and accepted for who they are, as opposed to the somewhat conditional love that their mother gives.  Elena Richardson has lost her way since her college days, and has settled...forgetting her dreams.  She too along with her kids, recognizes that Mia marches to a different drumbeat.  Mia does not feel pressured to live like the others in Shaker Heights.  She repurposes, lives simply, and seems to take a day at a time; not anxious for the future.  It makes Elena suspicious...and perhaps on a deeper level, jealous.



The theme of motherhood runs throughout the story:  Mia's deep love for her daughter, Pearl; the tight bond between      birth mother Bebe and her child Mirabelle that causes her to  kidnap the child from the foster family & steal her away to  China; and Elena's deep anguish at her daughter, Izzy's          departure --thus vowing to go to any lengths to find her.  These are the things that mothers can identify with as this story unfolds. Perhaps this is what finally brings Mia full circle...her secret past that is finally shared with Pearl:  that she, Mia, was a runaway pregnant daughter whose mother deeply disapproved.  Maybe, just maybe, Mia can finally forgive and empathize with the sorrow of her mother, who had "lost" both of her kids.  I am hopeful that Mia found her way home.

The Soul of America by Jon Meacham

As our April book club read, this was a challenge!  The first 100 pages were grueling, as I pushed myself hard; but after that the purpose of the author was more clear and I found that I couldn't put it down.  Meacham's goal was to encourage hope in the citizens of America by reviewing some of our past presidents and the successes and failures they experienced.  He highlighted Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt, Harry Truman, and LB Johnson.  These particular men made hard choices on equality during their terms of service, even if they personally weren't fully invested in the goal---But, because of their moral fiber and dedication to the country, they upheld certain issues they knew were best for America in the decades in which they served.  They had a higher calling than simply their own agendas.
As a highly knowledgable historian and author, particularly in the political realm, I found myself appreciating the stance that Meacham took on our current crisis of fear and disunity.  As he reviewed the ups and downs of our country's past; I was able to see that there were other disastrous choices made by other administrations and some horrendous years of disharmony between the parties.  Meacham gave me some hope that there will be future leaders who will hear the call to common sense, decency, unity, non-partisanship, and equality...and that we can ride the tide in uncertain times such as we now face.

"The past tells us that politics is an uneven symphony."
                                             ....Oliver Wendell Holmes

FLORIDA 2019: Part 4, Terrific Ending in SC & TN

On day 33, after 2 delightful nights in an Airbnb near the historic district; we were "on the road again" to Knoxville...with a fun stop in Columbia, SC, where I spent my four college years.  We stayed with Gene & Bonnie Ward, forever friends who loved on us, laughed with us, and shared their hearts.  Sweet times.  We made a quick stop near Walterboro to see the Tuskegee Airmen Memorial...African American men who were trained as the only all black Army Air Corp Pilot Unit during World War II, because they weren't allowed to serve with the whites. Sobering but inspirational.  Our final days with our kids and grands were spent hanging out:  soccer games for Jet, biking with Zeal, grocerying & meal prep with Azi, games with Trux, building project with Teg, and lunching with Mikkel to celebrate our birthdays!!  Pulling back into MI on day 40!

  

 

  

 

Another terrific trip with lots of variety... from a cruise to camping to a resort stay to an airbnb to
friends and family.  Grateful for safe travel, for a reliable van, for a beautiful God-created world to
enjoy...and for my friend and lifetime partner to journey with.  Blessed.

FLORIDA 2019: Part 3 A Little History, Please!

St Augustine FL
So, most of our trips include some historic spots...it just so happened that we clumped them all together at the end of this trip!  Our St. Augustine, FL tour on day 28 was perfect weather, so we hopped on the Old Town Trolley to get a view of the many spots of interest. We learned the most from a parishioner guide at the Memorial Presbyterian Church, built by oil & railroad magnate Henry Flagler in honor of his deceased wife and daughter.  The same style was utilized in all of his construction ventures in this city....believe me, he spared no expense!  He was an important figure in the history of Florida in the 1880's, building the rail system along the eastern coast...mostly so that the wealthy hotel guests would have a way to get to his "seasonal" hotels...the magnificent Ponce de Leon (now home to Flagler College) and the "lesser" Alcazar across the street. The many shops in the downtown old district were smartly done, and the Spanish influence is still present in many homes and businesses. The photo of Magnolia Street was taken because it has been named as one of the most beautiful streets in America, oak lined with Spanish moss dripping from the trees and it was  a fun "side trip" for Bill, as he stopped on our walk to preview a home under construction and "got the skinny" from the construction manager on the comparisons of building in the south vs the north.
 

Bill's only sighting of an alligator in FL...
and he was fake !

  

Gates to the city, fortified with brick walls to keep out the Americans!

Tybee Island GA
Because of my decision to not over-plan, we happened to boondock 2 nights in a row (without electricity) - the first night at a Cracker Barrel which worked perfectly as we were able to visit Tybee Island:  a lighthouse tour, a bike ride into the beach town district, and a full tour of Fort Pulaski...the South's main fortification to protect Savannah. The guide at the fort was both knowledgeable and funny.  She gave us the historical setting..a fort painstakingly engineered after the War of 1812 in case of future attack by the British.  Little did the South understand that a different war was brewing.  As the ranger described the election of 1860 with a deeply divided Democratic party which then led to a deeply divided country (most of whom hated Lincoln); it was reminiscent of today's America.  The key issue was one of worth and esteem...which people in the United States had worth?  Were they all equal? As we look back, we can clearly see that they were not on an equal playing field.  In considering the election of 2016 and its aftermath of hate, unkindness and divisiveness; I am wondering if the exact same issue is at stake...which people have worth in America today?  Are we all on a level playing field, are we all equal?  Are still deeply divided because of those same issues that have never been fully resolved...who is "in" and who is "out"?

 


 

Savannah, GA
Day 31 found us in one of the loveliest towns in the south (after Charleston!), after our second boondock in a Walmart parking lot close to the city.  Once again we got the full view on Savannah Tours before determining what we might want to explore more fully.  The restructured cotton textile factories along the river have been turned into boutiques and restaurants, the many large residential homes have now been renovated to their past glory by historical societies, and SCAD (Savannah College of Art & Design) has re-energized this city by putting finances and creativity into its renovations.

At Savannah fav, Crystal Beer Parlor, we touched base with
Benny Mammina, family friend from our Downers Grove days.

 

 

Cathedral of St. John the Baptist, one of our favs.

Davenport House Museum

FLORIDA 2019: Part 2 Gotta Love the Camping Life

Day 12!  Heading west to LaBelle, about 40 minutes from Fort Meyers, we set up our mini RV van at the same RV park where our friends,  the Meyers and Chapmans,  have been spending the past few winter months...however, neither were there!! But God took good care of us, as we were welcomed by friends and family of those 2 couples (they treated us to Dairy Q and to a spaghetti dinner!)  We mostly vegged, taking walks and bike rides into town, and enjoyed the hot tub while resting.  Did I say that our main focus this trip was to rest and be "inactive" !!  God taught me a huge lesson in this place.  We literally did not know where our next camping location was to be after this particular week, so the planner in me kicked into high gear; trying to figure it out.  After making several calls and realizing that what Marilyn Meyers said was absolutely true ("you may have a hard time finding sites as March is a terribly busy month in FL"). I could feel my heart getting stressed and wondered why Bill wasn't helping or worrying(!!). I finally looked at Bill and said "what if we head into this next phase of our trip like Abraham, who did not know where he was going when God sent him to Canaan.  He simply relied on Him for daily provisions (just as the Israelites did later)...so we literally began to just take a day at a time, knowing that if a campsite did not turn up, we would land at a Cracker Barrel or simply boondock somewhere (luckily we had this option because the FL weather is perfect right now for sleeping without the need for air or heat).  This plan has worked out perfectly and has relieved me from feeling the "planning pressure".  We did have a lovely day at Sanibel Island:  breakfasting, biking 10 miles, beaching a bit, and resting!!

  

 

  




Day 19:  We headed north to Palmetto as we found a 3 night camping stay, and we wanted to spend some time near the Gulf, and we wanted to see our friends, the Mieuwsens! They recommended a great spot to bike, hike and watch the sunset...a very lovely day!  From there, we had just one night stays at a variety of campgrounds...some outstanding and some mediocre!  We did get to hook up with our friends the Bytwerks who were staying nearby for a week.  Always love our conversations about life and what God is doing with us!

 

 

 

 



We headed into central FL for a Tiger game, stopped for a few hours in Webster FL for their very LARGE Flea Market --then landed in Orlando for a 3 night stay at our timeshare resort.  We have so enjoyed the change-up from resort life, to camping, then back to resort. We like the flexibility and the change of scenery and activities that this trip has brought. In the midst of it all, Bill has taken several opportunities to find the RV lounges and keep up with March Madness, and our first pick...the Sparties of Michigan State!

 

 

 



I must say that one of the highlights of our time in Orlando was the celebration of my birthday.  I think it is true that as we age, we lose some of our inhibitions and fears of what others think!! We joined a group from our timeshare and ate together at a Greek restaurant, which turned into quite an event.  The pictures will tell the story!!  A very delightful, full of belly laughter (and belly dancing) kind of an evening! (the white "snow" is napkins being tossed in the air, yelling OPA). I felt a bit like Jesus must have at the wedding in Cana, a cultural feast of traditions and food!

 

 

 

  


PS - JUST PREVIEWED THIS AND LOOKS LIKE A FEW PICS DUPLICATED...AND I CANT SEEM TO CORRECT IT, SORRY!