Monday, April 16, 2018

Mom and I....Thoughts from February & March 2018

My mother is gone.  Somewhat unexpectedly she took a turn and slid into a quick decline...two weeks later, I stood by her bed alone as she slipped away.  My dad asked, "What did she die of?"  The death certificate says "natural causes", but what does that mean exactly?  She naturally declined because of the stroke that stole her speech three months ago?  She gave up fighting to get better?  She had some additional TIA's that we weren't aware of...and that she couldn't communicate?  She said good-bye to her sister in a poignant visit, involving a demonstrative kiss of affection; quite rare among the Landes ladies?  Possibly the aggressive melanoma diagnosed in 2015, reared its ugly head in another part of her weakened body?  Questions that will not be answered....but I am ok.  Actually I am better than ok, which surprises me as the deaths of my sisters were devastating.....mostly because we had so much future to look forward to together: more card games, more trips, more KNIGHT SISTERS events like my mom had with her sisters, more laughter, more sharing of memories (that are elusively slipping away from me).

Ahhh- but Mom lived almost 95 years, and for the past three years, I got to know her better than I had in the previous 90!  There is something about caregiving that makes you understand the other person in a unique way.  I didn't expect nor long for more time with Mom because God gave me the capacity to give as much as I could ....with no regrets.  One of the amazing things I learned when she came to live with us for a few months while we were searching for an assisted care facility, is that I really am a lot like her, for better or worse!

Earlier in my life I would have said that I was hardly like her....but now, much later and a bit wiser, I see the many similarities.  As I observed her I found that:  we like our morning coffee alone in our special "spots";  we both journaled throughout most of our lives,  we like clothes--sometimes trendy, sometimes classic;  we put our lipstick on before going anywhere; we love sassy shoes; we like to change around the furniture;  we like to bake, we like to "organize" (junk drawers, cabinets, files);  we love fresh clean sheets off the clothesline; we love chicken salad wraps; we both long for people's approval; we enjoy the same favorite pie- coconut creme; we both think Vicks is the best for whatever ails you!; we share the same smile;  her feisty nature comes out in me sometimes -- that strong "I know I'm right about that", which can drive Bill crazy;  and I loved that we both played our old hymns for comfort and reflection.  Looking back at her life, I now see what a trailblazer she was--setting off to join the Navy without Dad's blessing (!); continually voicing her support of women in any position -she believed in their skills and she rooted them on, particularly in the political arena and in sports; and I now see how easily she embraced each one who joined our family--whether married in or adopted in, they became "hers".  A great legacy of love and acceptance for diversity from a Senior Citizen.

Mostly, as I reflect, I was grateful to see her understanding of God's goodness become a reality -- she began reading her Bible and attending church.  She softened and mellowed, she was kind and generous in her gift-giving.  She reflected grace.

I will miss her.




No comments:

Post a Comment