Glittering Images by Susan Howatch

Published in 1987, this is the first book in a series on the history of the Church of England, and the fictional diocese of Starbridge.  It was a compelling read as I enjoy unraveling a character's behaviors, even more than a more fast paced plot. 

In my longing for a better understanding of spiritual disciplines and direction, I have been listening to podcasts by Ruth Haley Barton (founder of the Transforming Center) and this was a recommended read (with some cautions for explicit content) because it deals with the breakdown of Reverend Charles Ashworth and how he walks through his mental and spiritual breakdown with his spiritual director.

The title is a phrase used repeatedly to describe the "false self" that each of us likes to portray to the outside world--successful, beautiful, put together, spiritual, smart; but we do so at the risk of losing our "true self"---the broken, weak, honest, loved and worthwhile child of God.   I found the discussions between Dr. Ashworth and Father Darrow fascinating and insightful, and it made me appreciate the spiritual gifts of discernment and wisdom that are manifested in so many of our Christian therapists today.  I'm so grateful that God gifts each of us with the appropriate tools for being fully the person He has created us to be. 

 I think that this read will stay with me as I ask God to make me more aware of how I revert to my "glittering image" in my daily journey. 

I'm Still Here by Austin Channing Brown; Insider Outsider by Bryan Loritts

This book was hard for me.  Channing-Brown is a black woman, raised in a mostly white educational system with work experience in mostly white Christian non-profits and churches.  It was an eye-opener from an honest perspective.  Still, I was a bit hurt and frustrated by some of her anger.  One chapter talks about how, in the course of one day, she faces forms of racism, unknowingly committed by well-intentioned white co-workers.  Things like her ideas not being heard in a meeting until a white person "re-phrases"them; or someone touching her hair without permission; or repeated suggestions that she extend more grace to others who mistreat her in racist ways. I am trying to learn, but some of her thoughts do not resonate well.  I know that I have touched African American hair...but I have also repeatedly touched white people's hair, without permission.  I have never felt it reflected racism but just open interest in beautiful styles.  I also was puzzled by her dismay at having to continually "teach" whites about the Black culture and other questions they have... but if we are interested in improving our understanding--these questions need to be asked and explanations need to be given.  As our Evangelical church begins to focus on being a Church for All Nations, it makes me wonder if it is even possible.  Channing-Brown loves the security and traditions in her Black Church.  She attends because of the shared cultural values and the need NOT to explain those various faith traditions with the white community.  It's a place where African Americans come together because they "get" one another.  So where does this leave us?  I want to grow in my thinking, I want to discard some of my baggage and fears.  I want to recognize "white privilege"and not expect my black brothers and sisters to think like us or be like us.  We both need to reach across the aisle to appreciate and value the cultures and distinctions from which we come. The 2 following pages helped me understand a bit more about our history of "whiteness" from the Black community's perspective.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book.  Compared to the Channing Brown book above, Loritts speaks eloquently and logically about the problems in how the evangelical church has unwisely  handled (or not handled) race issues.  The theme is the same, but this author resonated much more effectively with me; because he didn't use his emotions to convey the glaring issues.  I know he has been hurt, rejected, ignored and frustrated about his experiences--just as Channing Brown, however his voice is quieter and more compelling to me.  I am reading on racism in this season for 2 reasons:  1) in order to understand what my multi ethnic grandsons will face in the upcoming years and 2) in order to understand what it will entail for our 80% white congregation to embrace diversity more fully and become a "House of Prayer for all Nations".
Bill and I fully support his basic premise:  in order to be a truly multi-ethnic church, we need multi-ethnic staff members who get equal "power" on the boards and in staff settings.  It appears that some churches engage other-ethnicity staff, but fail to hear and act upon their ideas.  Our biggest problem is that we want them to join us and "become like us" rather than us realizing the input and impact they can make by bringing differences to the table. Highly recommend.

A Few Final Summer Shindigs!

Most of July was filled up with preparing, then enjoying the Tegelaars!  It was definitely a fun week with Zeal, age 9; and Trux, age 7!  Dad and Mom headed to their CRU conference in Colorado along with Azi and Jet, who had many activities planned just for them.  As soon as the parents were out the door on Friday, we headed to Saugatuck Dune Rides!!  Magic Fun at the library on Saturday, and church & Chucky Cheese on Sunday! We packed up the van & headed to Van Buren State Park on Monday for 3 days of bike riding, beach, and camp food.  Lita enjoyed sharing the queen bed with the two littles, while Boppa fixed up a new spot in the front as he figured out how to use both of the van's captains chairs.  It worked pretty great for us! Thursday was veg day with the kiddos playing Barbies for 4 hours!!  😂  It was such a delightful week for Boppa & Lita! We ended it with a Crazy Bunco Party for the family..and we were happy to hear that Azi & Jet especially loved hanging out with the DeBoer cousins as they only have "littles" to play with in our tribe of the Knight fam!

Fifty Things That Aren't my Fault by Cathy Guisewite

Cathy Guisewite writes with sympathy, angst, emotions, anxieties and insecurities...and she touches women all over the world just as she did when writing the "Cathy" comic strip.  Overall I enjoyed this book, but I had to push myself during the first half.  There are many things that I do not relate to:  the multiple shopping trips, the crazy binge eating, the trauma over crepy legs.  However, the visits to her parents as she tried to navigate "helping" them age in their home definitely hit me in the heart.  As a matter of fact, I fully realized how much I enjoyed this book when the tears started after several of these chapters...so very relatable.  I remember how I tried hard to keep my mom's side table by her chair organized-  so many small scraps of paper, pens, crocheting needles.  I distinctly remember the looks Mom gave me when I was "tidying".  She liked her things where she wanted them, not where I thought they were more practical.  Transitioning to a caregiver daughter and a "letting go of your kids" mom, Guisewite nails so many of the roller-coaster emotions that bombard each of us in this phase of life.