We Begin At the End by Chris Whitaker

"Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness".  Desmond Tutu

Our much anticipated California Thanksgiving fell flat when I tested positive for Covid within a day of arriving at my daughter's home in Santa Cruz.  Dubbed a "breakthrough" case, it didn't feel like I was breaking through anywhere as I quarantined; unable to visit our son's home, unable to travel to the mountain cabin as we had planned, unable to hug or kiss any of my six grands.  Hopeless feelings simmered just under the surface of my "it will be ok" facial facade.  I am not a fan of disrupted plans.

Enter Chris Whitaker's novel, highly recommended by my daughter, which happens to be a  continuing saga of disrupted plans.  It was my lifesaver, in between lonely neighborhood walks in the California sunshine and watching the star studded sky from the hot tub in the evenings.  As the book synopsis states, "Chris Whitaker has written an extraordinary novel about people who deserve so much more than life serves them.  At times devastating, with flashes of humor and hope throughout, it is ultimately an inspiring tale of how the human spirit prevails and how, in the end, love - in all its different guises- wins."

Unaware that it was billed a mystery-thriller by some, I fell in love with the unusual characters before the ever-unraveling plot sucked me in.  Foul mouthed Duchess, the thirteen year old protagonist, lashes out at everyone except her six year old brother, Robin, whom she ferociously defends and protects.   Beautiful, fragile mother Star is desperately loved by the two; but has never recovered from her deep losses so she is  unable to provide the love and security they crave and require.  Robin turns inward while Duchess  proclaims herself an "Outlaw" and builds a deep wall of distrust around her heart. 

After reading a personal article in The Guardian by Whitaker, I have a greater understanding of the depth of pain he has lived through...and that transferral of pain to his characters jumped off the pages and into my heart, many times causing tears of empathy for these wounded individuals.  As I turned the final page feeling depleted and wrung out because of the complicated twists and turns of the narrative, I realized that Whitaker managed to keep me hopeful in the midst of disastrous circumstances.  Hope came, as it usually does, in the form of loving  folks who allow Duchess the space she needs to grieve, to heal, to let go.  Grandpa Hal offers a second chance to the family he had long ago deserted.  Spirited Dolly doesn't allow Duchess's crusty exterior to chase her away.  Police Chief Walk overlooks flaws in the community members as he serves them tirelessly and gives much grace to Star's family over the years.  And tenacious Thomas Noble "sees" the real Duchess the first time he sets eyes on her...and loves her anyway.  

I believe that God uses the caring people in our lives to bring hope when we have lost ours.  It took a while for my hopelessness over Thanksgiving to dissolve. I blame that on my daughter.  She reassured me  that it was still good to see us even without hugs; that our Turkey Day celebration was still a celebration without the bigger table of people that we had anticipated; and that my milder symptoms of  the virus gave cause for us to be grateful.  All true. She elicited hopefulness in my spirit with her loving words.  

In these topsy-turvy times, I pray an inordinate infusion of Hope be granted to you in 2022.