Glittering Images by Susan Howatch

Published in 1987, this is the first book in a series on the history of the Church of England, and the fictional diocese of Starbridge.  It was a compelling read as I enjoy unraveling a character's behaviors, even more than a more fast paced plot. 

In my longing for a better understanding of spiritual disciplines and direction, I have been listening to podcasts by Ruth Haley Barton (founder of the Transforming Center) and this was a recommended read (with some cautions for explicit content) because it deals with the breakdown of Reverend Charles Ashworth and how he walks through his mental and spiritual breakdown with his spiritual director.

The title is a phrase used repeatedly to describe the "false self" that each of us likes to portray to the outside world--successful, beautiful, put together, spiritual, smart; but we do so at the risk of losing our "true self"---the broken, weak, honest, loved and worthwhile child of God.   I found the discussions between Dr. Ashworth and Father Darrow fascinating and insightful, and it made me appreciate the spiritual gifts of discernment and wisdom that are manifested in so many of our Christian therapists today.  I'm so grateful that God gifts each of us with the appropriate tools for being fully the person He has created us to be. 

 I think that this read will stay with me as I ask God to make me more aware of how I revert to my "glittering image" in my daily journey. 

I'm Still Here by Austin Channing Brown; Insider Outsider by Bryan Loritts

This book was hard for me.  Channing-Brown is a black woman, raised in a mostly white educational system with work experience in mostly white Christian non-profits and churches.  It was an eye-opener from an honest perspective.  Still, I was a bit hurt and frustrated by some of her anger.  One chapter talks about how, in the course of one day, she faces forms of racism, unknowingly committed by well-intentioned white co-workers.  Things like her ideas not being heard in a meeting until a white person "re-phrases"them; or someone touching her hair without permission; or repeated suggestions that she extend more grace to others who mistreat her in racist ways. I am trying to learn, but some of her thoughts do not resonate well.  I know that I have touched African American hair...but I have also repeatedly touched white people's hair, without permission.  I have never felt it reflected racism but just open interest in beautiful styles.  I also was puzzled by her dismay at having to continually "teach" whites about the Black culture and other questions they have... but if we are interested in improving our understanding--these questions need to be asked and explanations need to be given.  As our Evangelical church begins to focus on being a Church for All Nations, it makes me wonder if it is even possible.  Channing-Brown loves the security and traditions in her Black Church.  She attends because of the shared cultural values and the need NOT to explain those various faith traditions with the white community.  It's a place where African Americans come together because they "get" one another.  So where does this leave us?  I want to grow in my thinking, I want to discard some of my baggage and fears.  I want to recognize "white privilege"and not expect my black brothers and sisters to think like us or be like us.  We both need to reach across the aisle to appreciate and value the cultures and distinctions from which we come. The 2 following pages helped me understand a bit more about our history of "whiteness" from the Black community's perspective.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book.  Compared to the Channing Brown book above, Loritts speaks eloquently and logically about the problems in how the evangelical church has unwisely  handled (or not handled) race issues.  The theme is the same, but this author resonated much more effectively with me; because he didn't use his emotions to convey the glaring issues.  I know he has been hurt, rejected, ignored and frustrated about his experiences--just as Channing Brown, however his voice is quieter and more compelling to me.  I am reading on racism in this season for 2 reasons:  1) in order to understand what my multi ethnic grandsons will face in the upcoming years and 2) in order to understand what it will entail for our 80% white congregation to embrace diversity more fully and become a "House of Prayer for all Nations".
Bill and I fully support his basic premise:  in order to be a truly multi-ethnic church, we need multi-ethnic staff members who get equal "power" on the boards and in staff settings.  It appears that some churches engage other-ethnicity staff, but fail to hear and act upon their ideas.  Our biggest problem is that we want them to join us and "become like us" rather than us realizing the input and impact they can make by bringing differences to the table. Highly recommend.

A Few Final Summer Shindigs!

Most of July was filled up with preparing, then enjoying the Tegelaars!  It was definitely a fun week with Zeal, age 9; and Trux, age 7!  Dad and Mom headed to their CRU conference in Colorado along with Azi and Jet, who had many activities planned just for them.  As soon as the parents were out the door on Friday, we headed to Saugatuck Dune Rides!!  Magic Fun at the library on Saturday, and church & Chucky Cheese on Sunday! We packed up the van & headed to Van Buren State Park on Monday for 3 days of bike riding, beach, and camp food.  Lita enjoyed sharing the queen bed with the two littles, while Boppa fixed up a new spot in the front as he figured out how to use both of the van's captains chairs.  It worked pretty great for us! Thursday was veg day with the kiddos playing Barbies for 4 hours!!  😂  It was such a delightful week for Boppa & Lita! We ended it with a Crazy Bunco Party for the family..and we were happy to hear that Azi & Jet especially loved hanging out with the DeBoer cousins as they only have "littles" to play with in our tribe of the Knight fam!

Fifty Things That Aren't my Fault by Cathy Guisewite

Cathy Guisewite writes with sympathy, angst, emotions, anxieties and insecurities...and she touches women all over the world just as she did when writing the "Cathy" comic strip.  Overall I enjoyed this book, but I had to push myself during the first half.  There are many things that I do not relate to:  the multiple shopping trips, the crazy binge eating, the trauma over crepy legs.  However, the visits to her parents as she tried to navigate "helping" them age in their home definitely hit me in the heart.  As a matter of fact, I fully realized how much I enjoyed this book when the tears started after several of these chapters...so very relatable.  I remember how I tried hard to keep my mom's side table by her chair organized-  so many small scraps of paper, pens, crocheting needles.  I distinctly remember the looks Mom gave me when I was "tidying".  She liked her things where she wanted them, not where I thought they were more practical.  Transitioning to a caregiver daughter and a "letting go of your kids" mom, Guisewite nails so many of the roller-coaster emotions that bombard each of us in this phase of life.

The Silent Sister by Diane Chamberlain

This was a quick read: a daughter searching through her family home after her father's death, unearthing devastating secrets.  Riley feels the heaviness of being the youngest daughter with a troubled older brother who doesn't remember their family background in the same way that she has.  The suicide death of their oldest sister adds to the pain.  As a school counselor, she feels the need to fix him, but even the uncovered lies do not help to bring their views any closer together.
I enjoyed this book throughout all the twists and turns.  One of my favorite lines was when the older brother, Danny, says to Riley: "It's not my mind that's sick, it's my soul."  What a statement!  So often in our society, the problems we face come down to soul sickness.  It seems that the combinations of temperament, home dynamics, and life experiences all intersect to vastly affect one family member in a very different way than another.  I think Augustine's prayer, " Our hearts are restless until they find rest in You" is the start to fixing soul sickness.

The Alice Network by Kate Quinn

I love historical fiction and Quinn delivers on this one.  For whatever reason, it seems that the World Wars are often the era that draws me in.  Young Charlie is looking for her cousin who disappeared during or after World War II while much older Eve is looking for her abuser & Nazi collaborator from her younger years during World War I, while she served as a British spy.  These two very unlikely characters begin a journey together through France and Belgium with individual goals....that somehow get intertwined by the end of the story.  Being a geography lover, it greatly pleased me to have the map that Quinn provided so I could trace the steps of these women, along with their trustworthy driver, Finn.


Of course the deeper part of the novel is the message that we are all broken, that we all carry wounds, that we all have negative voices in our heads; BUT when we experience the love of friends and family who accept us in spite of it all, healing begins.  Though there is not an overt Christian theme in the story, I clearly saw redemption reflected in Quinn's characters.

Summer Reads

The Girl Who Chased the Moon by Sarah Addison Allen

 Emily & Julia are drawn together when Emily arrives in the hometown of her deceased mother where her granddad still lives, and runs into Julia, the neighbor and restaurant business owner.  Always quirky and a bit of magical mystery in Allen's books. They are predictable but always have fun twists and delightful prose; I very much enjoy this author to lift me up after a heavier read!



Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

This first novel by Owens is definitely not a light read, but thought provoking and edgy.  Because of the author's career in Natural Science, she brings so many details to the narrative of how Kya (the Marsh Girl) has been abandoned and lived on her own in the marshland of the North Carolina coast. Kya becomes an expert on the insects, birds and eco-system of the marshland...just by living, observing, listening and navigating in this area. The plot involves a murder of a local man in the marsh, and the deeper story of the townspeople's dislike and distrust of Kya...because she is different.
Some have likened the story to Harper Lee's "To Kill a Mockingbird" and the courtroom scene could justify that.

This book made me realize that I have missed a lot of science because I get creeped out by bugs, snakes and the quiet of the woods with noises I don't understand.  Owens made me aware of how God has made his creation so similar in many aspects: though they don't possess souls they definitely have natural gifts of survival, parenting, cooperation...very intuitive as to their surroundings.  So interesting.

There were clues along the way to the surprise ending, but the book still left me pondering!

Summer of '69 by Elin Hilderbrand

Another light easy summer read, Hilderbrand delivers a bit of character development, a bit of controversy, a bit of forgiveness and always an intact family who still manages to be slightly dysfunctional.  I was drawn to this because I'm getting ready to attend my 50th High School Class Reunion and wanted to be reminded of that era!  One of the best discoveries when I was halfway through:  the chapter divisions are song titles from those long ago years!  I loved that!

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

 Although this was the June book club choice, I did not get to the meeting to discuss it, and just finished it.  I would have loved to hear the opinions of my friends, as I did not love it as much as I had hoped.  Lori is an actual therapist in CA who also writes a "Dear Therapist" column in The Atlantic.   She is knowledgeable, articulate and humorous.  This was way better than most non-fiction books on psychology since she shared stories from her own life and those of her clients.  I generally enjoy this type of "learning" and analyzing of human behaviors, but I found myself just trying to "get through it". 

Here are my takeaways:  we are all a hot mess if we will honestly admit it;  we carry a lot of baggage from our childhood whether we realize it or not; it's wise to engage a therapist at some points/points in our lives; we only grow in connection with others (hence the need for a therapist if we don't have a "somebody"); our feelings need to be felt-acknowledged-shared... not stuffed as was the pattern in my childhood home (and carried forward into ours); we cannot experience full JOY if we haven't embraced full PAIN. 

At my recent Girlfriend Weekend, a friend said to us that each one of the 7 friends there had added to her life in some way, and made her who she is today.  I loved that!! This author clarified that concept, even going so far as to explain that even a bad relationship can be a growth stimulus to take the next positive step...thus being a contributor to who we have become today!!  I love to think back over the people in my life who I desperately needed during different seasons.  Sometimes we lose connection with them, or move on in our lives...but we think fondly of one another and the role they had in shaping us.  I believe deeply that God strategically places these "therapist friends" and "thorns" in our lives to grow us up for the next phase in our journey.  Grateful.

PS  I remembered one last paragraph that struck me--it identified the many fears that grip us at various times of our lives...I guess I got a lot more out of this book than I realized!!  Ha!

Summer Shindigs Continue

So delighted that Wendy's daughters bought a house on Stony Lake, and even more delighted that they invited our crew of girlfriends to enjoy it!  There is nothing like friends being together....friends who have had connections since grade school....friends who are celebrating a 50th Class reunion this year...friends who meet for lunch monthly....friends who listen....friends who laugh...friends who encourage...Thank God for THESE kinds of FRIENDS!!  

 

 

 

 

Summer Shindigs...so far!

I loosely use the word "summer" since the first shindig was in May!  Off we buzzed in our little Lovebug RV to Northumberland PA for a Roadtrek Rally where we chatted it up with other like-minded people who LOVE their little RV vans.  We did determine that we might be in the wrong group....our more specialized rally needs to be with the Vintage Roadtrekkers since ours is a 1996 and we may well have much more in common with that "club" than with the 2019, granite counter, sleek contemporary models that we were among in PA.  However, the redeeming moments of the weekend were with our Vintage College crew... two of my roommates from Columbia Bible College, AKA Columbia International University in Columbia SC along with our vintage hubbies of 46 years!!  Proverbs tells us that LAUGHTER is a good medicine. Our health was definitely improved!!  We also welcomed some youngsters, David and Cindy, to this shindig of a day!

Marlene, Marlita, Deb

Our Tiny House!

   

Ready to Roll from our driveway, to living alongside the elite! 





My next shindig was to California to visit the grands!  So thankful that the hubs encouraged me to go-- I hadn't seen most of them since Christmas.  Laughing, playing in the cold creek water at Mt Hermon Camp, eating ice cream and smoothies, reading, jumping on the trampoline, celebrating Maelie's kindergarten graduation, and tucking them in bed.....loving the connections, even though it was a short week.