Surviving the Death of a Sibling by T. J. Wray

 What an insightful book.  A friend recently handed me this book because of a comment I had made to her about not finding a book about sibling loss when I had needed it- almost 15 years ago after the deaths of both of my sisters to breast cancer.  The author shares her journey of grief after the loss of her adult brother.  She also includes quotes from many other sibling survivors, most with the same feelings that I had gone through:  struggling to believe that my grief was equally as deep as my brothers-in-law, as my nieces and nephews, and as my parents.  Somehow there was much more information for those grievers, which made me believe that I was just "supposed to get over it" because we had our own families now, because their spouses would feel the effect of the deaths more profoundly, because their kids no longer had their moms.  And I bought into that, trying my best to be supportive and loving for them.  But I at some point fell into a deep hole, one that took time to crawl out of.

T. J. Wray walks us through the stages of grief in a very personal way directed to us siblings.  I will pass this book on to others, hopefully in time to assist them when they need it most.

The Island of Sea Women by Lisa See

Having read two previous novels by Lisa See, I knew that I would learn a whole new historical aspect of the Asian culture.  In The Tea Girl of  Hummingbird Lane,  See introduces a little known region of China and the ancient making of tea.  In China Dolls, she delves into the Chinese entertainment industry during World War II. In this story, a fascinating village in Korea is her focus.  

On the Korean island of JeJu during the 1930's and 1940's, women divers were the main breadwinners. The men of the island were the childcare and homecare givers.  This unbelievable tale by See is based on the true story of these remarkable women and what they endured under both Japanese and American captivity both during and after the wars that changed their lives.

Although I deeply appreciated the chronicle  of the historical events, this novel had some graphic images detailed of the Bukchon Massacre that were difficult for me.  I also tend to think that the author does not make me connect with the characters, as the story seems "sterile" and matter of fact, not emotional.  Most of my Book Club really enjoyed this, but it just wasn't the best for me.

The Book of Lost Names by Kristin Harmel

An engaging and evocative novel reminiscent of The Lost Girls of Paris and The Alice Network, The Book of Lost Names is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of bravery and love in the face of evil. 

I loved how this book opened...an aging librarian who opens up a newspaper and is transported to her secret life as a World War II forger.....almost 40 years before.  The elderly Eva is a bit  unlikable  as she refuses to communicate with her son, hops on a plane to France and tries to face her past on her own.  But the story of 23 year old Eva is one of courage as she joins the resistance in France, by forging documents for children so they can be transported into Switzerland.  Since their names must be changed, Eva finds a way to keep track of their original names in "The Book of Lost Names".

As a fan of the World War II romance genre, this was another good read for me, especially the different focus on forgery and also a different country in the war effort against the Nazis.

The Henna Artist by Alka Joshi

 This was a very interesting story.  I listened to the Hoopla audiobook, and could hardly put down my earbuds!.  Learning much about Indian culture while  I followed this brave woman from an abusive marriage to making her own way as a competent businesswoman. So many quirky

characters, so much compassion from each of them, so many twists and turns.  I totally agree with this quote:  "Everything a great novel needs is here: The protagonist balancing impossible burdens with her bountiful talents; the many other characters, each so colorful and complex, each necessary to the intricate and delicate plot, Such a satisfying novel!"--Sandra Scofield, author of The Last Draft

The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah

 "It was otherworldly somehow, magical in its vast expanse. An incomparable

landscape.”

Although I have been a great fan of award winning Kristin Hannah's twenty-plus novels over many years, I hesitated to pick this one up.  Alaska has been pretty far down on my bucket list travels, and the Covid pandemic gave me enough stress and sadness without voluntarily picking up a book about abuse, PTSD and estranged families.  Nevertheless, a good friend had this comment: "It was the first book in a long time that kept me awake into the night and where I cried real tears at several points."  So I took the plunge.

The ever-moving Allbright family pile into their VW bus in 1974, heading to Alaska, which had become America's 49th state in 1959.  Dad Ernt believes another new start in an isolated wild place will make his demons recede: "Dad wanted a new beginning. Needed it.  And Mama needed him to be happy.  So they would try again in a new place, hoping geography would be the answer.  They would go to Alaska in search of this new dream.  Leni would do as she was asked and do it with a good attitude.  She would be the new girl in school again.  Because that was what love was."  This quote from the first chapter becomes the repetitious mantra of the Allbright family.  Perhaps this is the part of the book that was the most difficult for me because  Ernt doesn't change, Mom Cora continues to make excuses for his behavior and daughter Leni has a distorted perception of love.  I just wanted someone to step up and be a responsible adult before tragedy struck...but the reality in dysfunctional families is that healing from these cycles takes a long time.

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman

 "A bank robbery.  A hostage drama.  A stairwell full of police officers on their way to storm an apartment.  It was easy to get to this point, much easier than you might think.  All it took was one single really bad idea."

And so begins the "comedy-mystery" of the latest Fredrik Bachman story.  But it is so much more than that.  I am a fan of Backman's character developments; the way he makes me actually empathize with the most despicable characters, the way he unshutters my eyes to see beneath the surface of what makes people tick.

"A Man Called Ove" introduced me to Backman several years ago.  On a lengthy roadtrip, this was an audiobook that made me laugh out loud throughout most of it because Ove was such a grumpy old man who said the most outrageous things...but my tears at the end came because I could identify with Ove's deep hurts.  I could overlook his crusty exterior and fall in love with him.  That is the essence of Fredrik Bachman.

On any given day, we brush elbows or exchange greetings with people we really don't know.  The surly clerk at the local grocery store may have a daughter dealing with addictions.  The new couple at church may have just come through a huge financial loss.  On your daily neighborhood walk, you conscientiously greet the older resident who walks her dog, not realizing that dog is her only friend in this increasingly lonely world.  Could the unfriendly teenager who doesn't meet your gaze be facing intense insecurity, just longing for a friend?  And the handsome young man who treats your unruly lawn might have a devastating divorce looming ahead.  We just don't have a clue.  It's these kinds of strangers who are thrown together in this novel.  The bank robber.  The real estate agent.  The bank executive.  The pregnant couple.  The retirees.  The ninety year old.  The actor.  The father-son police officers.  All are thrown into an unusual hostage situation.  All have stories.  All survive.  However, the witty banter and hilarity surrounding these unforgettable strangers is purely Bachman.  Surprising twists make us smile and wonder how it all will end.  And especially, how will each of their once hidden life issues be resolved?

Jack, the younger police officer in the story, once asks his minister mom how she could bear to sit beside people when they were dying in their final hours without being able to save them.  She tightly holds his hand and says, " We can't change the world, and a lot of the time we can't even change people.  No more than one bit at a time.  So we do what we can to help whenever we get the chance, sweetheart.  We save those we can.  We do our best.  Then we try to find a way to convince ourselves that that will just have to...be enough.  So we can live with our failures without drowning."  

Nine strangers reaching out to help, because they were given the chance. A satisfying ending.

No Time Like the Future, an Optimist Looks at Mortality by Michael J. Fox

Non-Fiction for the Summer

 How to Fight Racism by Jemar Tisby

As a student of Racial Reconciliation, I studied this book along with others in a small group setting.  The purpose was to hear from a Black activist author who could challenge us to take another step in understanding and doing something about racism in our own spheres.  His three basic steps?  Awareness (head), Relationships (heart), Commitment (hands). 

Tisby calls this the ARC of social justice.  In our discussions we determined where we each were in this ARC.  Since I have been involved in the awareness part for the past few years, my decision next is to figure out where I can be involved in relationships with other ethnic groups.  I must know other people who are from different cultures, different political views, different faiths.  When you become friends with those that look at the world differently, it is harder to judge their ethnicity with blanket statements or with dismissals or with historical biases. After reading the segment on commitment, my heart wants to put action to my feelings; so I am hoping to gather some facts about voting in the Kalamazoo area, and possibly plan a Voting Registration event before the 2022 election.

Blackout by Candace Owens

Encouraged by my brother to understand both sides of the Racism battle, I began this read concurrently with the Tisby book.  Both authors are black, both authors are Christians, both authors are firm in their beliefs concerning the history of black America.  But...they disagree on systemic racism, on politics, on welfare, on how the Blacks have been cheated by the promises of "the other side".  

Frankly, I was confused.  It re-affirmed that our country is extremely polarized.  Owens agrees that slavery was oppressive, but refuses to concede that our laws were enacted by white men with the goal of keeping whites in the power positions.  She believes that Black people should be able to dig out of their poverty by working harder, not living on welfare...just as she did. Her main objective in writing this book was to present to her Black brothers and sisters, the need to leave the Democratic party in order to be "saved" by the Republican platform.  What is more important to me than her goal is to admit that we all have different viewpoints, because of our various backgrounds and privileges, and we desperately must learn how to compromise, how to problem solve, and how to somehow merge the Left with the Right and meet somewhere in the middle.  To attack either side and refuse to budge doesn't help our country.  I think I enjoyed the Tisby book because it gave me more valuable insight on how to take part in change, not just to make a decision about which side is right or wrong.  Owens gives a convincing argument, but her tone bothers me.

June Reads

 Chasing North Star by Heidi McCrary

Five children growing up in a dysfunctional home.  Not very newsworthy today, however when it is about kids that you went to school with in the 1960's, it feels different...and sad. Alamo, Michigan is a tiny 4 stop sign town about seven miles from our home.  

Most of my best friends grew up there.  I recognized almost all of the favorite locations that the Phillips family frequented:  the Allegan County Fair, the Congregational Church where my husband served as pastor a few years back, Miller's grocery store, the gas station where the men gathered, the firehouse, the cemetery and even the rest area.  All of these familiar spots, yet never knowing the continual trauma that went on in this home due to the mother's mental illness. 

The author, in her debut autobiographical novel as the youngest sibling, brings us face to face with the turmoil and pain that was a normal part of their lives; but she also brings to light the love and protection that existed between her brothers and sisters who worked hard to shield one another from the abuse and rage that her mom exhibited.

I enjoyed this story even though it was a difficult read.  My takeaway is the familiar adage "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about."

The Perfect Couple by Elin Hilderbrand

Elin Hilderbrand is well known for her light and breezy summer novels about life on Nantucket Island. 

This one delves into a murder mystery that happens at an exclusive summer home owned by the parents of the groom....on the morning of the wedding....to the Maid of Honor!!  I thoroughly enjoyed this very quick read.  Her format was the investigation and interrogation by the Chief of Police and the local detective of all the guests at the reception.  Of course, the reader learns the history of many quirky characters and the secrets that they keep from one another.  Hilderbrand does a great job, even in a murder story, with making me smile.  I also appreciate that she keeps her language clean, not needing to drop the F bomb at every turn of the page.  This kept me guessing and plotting, and I was even a bit surprised at the ending!  Kudos!!

Dear Edward by Ann Napolitan

Question:  How does a twelve year old boy move forward in his life as the lone survivor of an airplane crash that kills 191 people...especially when three of those victims were his family?  Answer:  Little by little with the support of people who desperately want him to heal.   

 Ann Napolitan crafts an unusual story.  One of my high anxiety moments is getting on a plane, but I choose to do it because my grandkiddos live in CA and it a necessity for me to see them!  So imagine my difficulty in opening the first chapter and realizing that the author will give us a "play by play" of the hours preceding the crash.  It took me a few days to pick this book back up, but it was a deeply worthwhile decision.  Not only does the reader get a glimpse into the lives of everyday people traveling to Los Angeles with hopes and dreams for their futures; but the singular story of Eddie trying to find his hopes and dreams again is heart wrenching as well as uplifting.

When Eddie wakes up in the sterile hospital room to see his stricken aunt and uncle, ready to step into their new parental roles (roles that will be an uphill, day by day struggle), he is numb with denial and pain.  Not wanting to move into their "nursery", a reminder of the many losses his aunt has suffered through miscarriages, Eddie chooses to find solace at the neighbor's home.  His sleeplessness can only be reversed on the sleeping bag of Shay's bedroom floor each evening.  Shay, also twelve, seems to be the one person who can allow Edward (renamed by his aunt) to be himself --and Shay definitely remains herself: brutally frank with questions about his brother Jordan, about the flight, about the "idiot" kids at school, about pushing him to move ahead when he is unsure.  Edward doesn't need to tiptoe around Shay as he does so many others, so their relationship gives some normalcy back to his upended life.

So many others step into Edward's world to fill in little pieces of his emptiness.  Compassionate Principal Arundhi offers a small job of fern-caring to Edward, not only sharing his joy in flora, but also knowing that Edward might find some peace in developing an interest in something.  Ever protective Uncle John eventually discovers ways to communicate better, bringing honesty and vulnerability into Edward's healing.  Patient therapist Dr. Mike offers small steps of counsel when Edward wonders why he continues to think about the crash on a daily basis after three years: "What happened is baked into your bones, Edward.  It lives under your skin.  It's not going away.  It's part of you and will be part of you every moment until you die.  What you've been working on, since the first time I met you, is learning to live with that."  Having experienced the deaths of my two sisters, this line deeply resonated with me.  As I muddled through several years of pain, this truth became firmly imbedded:   loss does not go away, it becomes a part of your story....but somehow, at some point, God gives the wisdom to learn to live with it.  

Juliane Diller had to learn this truth.  In 1971 she fell from a burning plane, still strapped to her seat, after lightening struck the wing.  This 17 year old had to summon the courage to find her way out of the Peruvian jungle on her own....the sole survivor of the 86 passenger crash. One victim was her mother, who sat right next to her as the plane descended.  Her story is also one of learning to live every day with her memories and loss...just like Edward.  

Sometimes truth is just as strange as fiction.